An Ordinance of Individual Secession from the United States of America
An Ordinance to dissolve the union between _____________________ (hereafter, “I” or “me” or “myself”, etc.) and all the other States united under the compact styled “The Constitution of the United States of America,” effective _________________, 201__.
Whereas, the election of Donald Trump and Mike Pence to the offices of president and vice-president of the United States of America, albeit constitutional, by a depraved and despicable electorate of the unwashed, under-educated, hillbilly, white male, racist, keep “Christ in Christmas,” sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, sexually abusive, gun-loving, isolationist, bullying, mean-to-puppies, and other assorted fools, avowedly hostile to Obamacare, open borders, higher taxes, safe-places, gun control, benevolent big government, social entitlements, global warming, political correctness, unions, women, white wine, LGBT, poor people, minorities, progressive domestic institutions, and to the peace and security of the liberal, progressive elements of an informed and wiser-than-thou people, preceded by many and dangerous infractions of the Constitution of the United States by many of the Red States and people of that section of the country not touching an ocean or a great lake, is a political wrong of so insulting and menacing a character as to justify that I adopt this prompt and decided measures for my future peace and security, therefore:
Declaration. Be it declared and ordained by me, that I now withdraw, and am hereby withdrawn, from Union with the entity known as “the United States of America,” and henceforth cease to be a citizen of said United States, and am, and of right ought to be, a Sovereign and Independent Individual. Be it declared by me, that this is not a socio-political hissy-fit, and that I will not withdraw this declaration once my antidepressants kick-in or when it becomes apparent that most of the stuff I learned about the new administration from Facebook, Twitter, The LA Times, The New York Times, The Washington Post, MSNBC, CNN, The Huffington Post, and other outlets is a bunch of hysterical bunk.
Signed, this ____ Day Of _____________________, __________ In The Common Era By _________________________________