Seven smart tips on how to act when in contact with a law enforcement officer

Presentation1Too often routine contacts between police and civilians escalate tragically out of control. Remember, both you and the officer share a primary goal… to go home safely at the end of the day.

You may be a good, law-biding individual who would never harm another person. But, the officer does not know that. And, unfortunately, the officer’s duties often place the officer in contact with individuals, who do not respect the law, their fellow citizens or keeping the peace.

Here are seven smart tips on how to act when in contact with a law enforcement officer.

  1. Dropped my contactRemain Calm. Take a deep breath! Avoid pointing, screaming, cursing, or yelling; never make aggressive gestures toward the officer. A smile could help here.
  2. Follow Instructions. Usually this has something to do with identification. Ladies! If your wallet’s in your bag, tell the officer before you plunge into it. Guys, your wallet’s in your back pocket, right? Don’t suddenly go for it. Tell the officer and follow the officer’s instructions on how to get it.
  3. Empty Your Hands. Put down any items in your hands, i.e., bags, jackets, keys, cell phones, etc.
  4. Keep Your Hands Visible At All Times. Please! Officers are trained to watch your hands. If instructed, raise your hands and spread your fingers.
  5. Avoid Quick Movements. Especially toward the officers.
  6. Do Not Lay Hands On The Officer. This should be obvious, but doesn’t seem to be for some. If you use force against an officer, the officer will use force to regain control of the situation. You will not win this fight.
  7. Weapons. Inform the officer immediately if you are carrying or have in your possession any type of weapon-especially hand guns and knives. Do not reach for them! Follow the officer’s instructions… slowly.

Remember! We all want to go home safely at the end of the day!





Humor in Blue – How you know you’re not in the police academy any more.

The other day, I was out on patrol with my sergeant. I was driving our new patrol car. We’re sitting on the eastern edge of town shooting radar up cop car (2)a highway coming into town. The speed limit goes from 55, to 45, then 35 at the town line.

I’m still trying to learn how to get valid measurements with the radar and the new car has a different system than our other units. So, I get the vehicle in a good position to take a reading on the incoming road, check all the settings, and wait… and wait… there’s no traffic.

Speeding Car (2)Finally, I spot some headlights about a mile or so up the road… hit the right button… and the screen registers 71.

I turn to my sergeant… “Did I do that right?”

“Looks good to me,” he says.

I’m busy patting myself on the back as if I had gotten a quiz answer right.

After a second or so, the sergeant asks me, “What’s the speed limit where the car is?”

“Fifty-five,” I say.

“Yep,” he agrees.

Great, I think, another answer right.

Meanwhile, the car shoots by us.Confused Cop (2)

After a second, the sergeant asks, “Aren’t you going to stop it?”


Forgot all about that part.





Oil-Industry Spokesman Attributes Recent Low Gas Prices to a Miracle

MEDIA CONTACT:                                                  ***FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE***

Martin Scribbler

Dissociated Press



Oil-Industry Spokesman Attributes Recent Low Gas Prices to a Miracle

HOUSTON, TX–SEPTEMBER 9, 2015-Rick Naylor, a spokesperson for the United States Petroleum Association (USPA), an oil-industry advocacy group, stated today that the precipitous drop in retail gasoline prices right after the Labor Day weekend, “… is a miracle, an absolute miracle! No one can explain it, but everyone can enjoy it. Praise the Lord!”

BP PricesNaylor’s comments were in response to growing criticism of the oil companies claiming that the low prices now seen at the pump reflect true market dynamics, while the much higher prices during the holiday weekend were set in order to maximize industry profits during the high travel period of the Labor Day Weekend.

Naylor denied that the perceived drop in prices was a phenomenon of proportion, an economic optical illusion, caused by the resetting of prices to produce reasonable profits for the oil companies after gouging the American public during the weeks leading up to the long Labor Day weekend.

“It’s simple supply and demand,” stated Naylor. “The more you need, the more you pay. It’s economics 101!”

Naylor continued that the recent fall in gas prices has nothing to do with the usual causes of retail price fluctuations in the market the oil companies habitually use to excuse exorbitant price hikes: geopolitical risks, production capacity, OPEC production, Non-OPEC supply, weather, inventories, global economic growth, supply, pipeline opposition, speculation, fracking, demand, oil leaks, exchange rates, inflation, Iranian rowboats in the Strait of Hormuz, refinery capacity, refracking, weather, or seasonal additives.

“It’s just fuckin’ magic,” he declared, “brought to you by your benevolent friends in big oil!”

naylorNaylor was asked that, since the oil industries control production and retail pricing with no identifiable transfer price between the wholesale and retail markets, were they not in fact operating in violation of the Sherman Anti-Trust Act. Also, since the federal government refuses to recognize this fact, was this not an indication of their being protected by the politicians to whose campaigns the oil companies generously contribute?

In response, Naylor delivered a long, circuitous lecture on gas pricing, explaining that for every dollar spent at the pump, 60 cents goes to crude oil, transportation and refining costs, and the other 15 cents goes to federal, state and local taxes, which are used for infrastructure maintenance, education, and feeding cute, hungry babies.

When a reported noted that gas taxes typically go into general funds and can be also used for congressional salaries, expenses, pensions and any pork-pie project that those empty suits dream up, Naylor asked if there were any further questions.

A reporter pointed out that Naylor’s statistics accounted for only 75 cents of every gas dollar. What happens to the other 25 cents?

Naylor, stating that he was late for a fitting at Brooks Brothers, declared the press conference over.


About Nick Naylor:

Rick Naylor, is the brother of former big tobacco lobbyist, Nick Naylor, who succumbed tragically to lung cancer at the age of forty. A third Naylor brother, Mick, a spokesperson for the gun industry, is recovering from gunshot wounds received while hunting with former vice president, Dick Cheney.


About Martin Scribbler:

Martin Scribbler is a freelance journalist and a regular contributor to such prestigious journals as The Daily Snark, WTF, and Mad Magazine. Scribbler is currently working on a book, Am I the Only One Here That Gets This?, the sequel to his New York Mimes best seller, Am I the Only One Here Who Has a Clue?